I ka wa e kaawale aku nei paha - he hoailona o ka mea e hoolilo mai pili?

Mākou a pau ike i ka ikaika o Herodia, a pāonioni alakai ai i ka make ana o ka mare. Akā, i ka mea a inā he mea he kamailio assertion? He aha ina ka pilina ke haule iho ma ke kaʻawale ma muli o ka nele o ka ma waena o ke kane a me ka wahine?

ke kilokilo hiʻohiʻona

Doktor Dzhon M. Gottman mea he i ka hoʻopaʻa laikini psychologist. No kekahi mau makahiki, akamai i këia i ke kumupaʻa o ka ohana ana. He la ia mea no ka i ike i ka "hana kilokilo lākiō" o ka maikaʻi a me ka io hana kūleʻa hoa, i ka 5 a hiki i 1. Ma nā hua'ōlelo, ma ka ikaika a me ke ana hui, kēlā offset ma ka hopena maikaʻi kekahi hanana elima maikaʻi.

Ma kekahi mau hihia, i ka hakakā i e maikaʻi kēia?

Nui loa scandals ke olonā wāwae o ka pilina. Kēia pakiko-akaka oiaio. Eia naʻe, e like me ka pähola 'o Dr. Gottman, he nele i ka negativity no hoi e ka hōʻailona o ka make ka mare hiki. I loaa ka mea e pono ai ke koena ma waena o ka diametrically e ku pono ana Emotions mea he pili-kuʻuna nānaina o ka PilinaʻOhana. Mākou i kēia lā i ka poe akamai i hoʻopaʻapaʻa ana i negativity pono ola, ina kou nui mea e kūkulu ikaika a me ka lōʻihi-makahiki kuikahi.

Noke Radio nui he kūlana ma kekahi prosocial oihana

Ināʻaʻole i io manaʻo mākou e pono ai, ke ano maoli makemake i hana ia. Ka mea, pono ole wale i ka koena i ka pomaikai, aka, no hoi, e ho okumu i ka hoao ana - ka engine o kanaka holomua. pâʻani Noke Emotions nui he kūlana ma kekahi prosocial hana. Mākou e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ke koho ana o ka AaOIeIOUIeXAOAaIN o ka manaʻo i mai e hana i ka pono me ia no ka mea e hōʻeuʻeu ana o pilialoha manaʻo. Ma ka hihia mua, ma luna o ke kumu o ka hopena maikaʻi inā pilikia ka haumāna ike kanaka mea hana ka mea, e e käpae 'i loko o ka wā e hiki mai. I ka lua o ka hihia, aole lakou e ole e haawi mai ke aloha i ka make. He nui no mākou i lohe i ka i ana: "Ma hope o ka ikaika i kekahi manaʻo hoʻopiʻi mai kokololio hoolaulea aku ai". Partners aole loa ia e kue ana, nele i o ka inika i loko o ka pilina. Penei, mare Leomakana e mai i ke hai aku i ke kaua ma luna o negativity i loko o ko lāua olaʻana. Ma ke aka, ke ola nei he hassle-kuokoa a me ka paio oukou makemake e unbearably hoopaa a kekahi lifeless.

I nuku mai kōkua i ke hakuloli i ka loli

Dr. Gottman manaʻo mea e noho male ke hoomakaukau i kekahi i kekahi remedial manaʻo. Ka nui, e hoike ana i ke ao nei a puni mākou ua mau hoʻololi, a ua pono, e pane koke ia ia. Showdown o ka pono hoʻomākaukau no keia mea. Penei na hoalawehana i wale aʻo i ke hakuloli i ka hou ana, akā, mau noho "ma ka ia ke kōā."

A hiki i ka nui o ka emi iki mahope o kona mea e like

Mākou e hoʻomau e kuhikuhi i na hoailona o ka hemolele mare ana. Mākou nānā 'i ka "hana kilokilo lākiō" o Emotions i loko o ka harmonious mare ana a me ka ike i kēlā me kēia hakakā hoa Pono e "hana mai" i loko o ka elima-pa like paha. Ma waho aʻeo i ka helu ana i kāna hana e lawelawe, hiki ole ke discounted, a me ka mea e like ai (pehea ikaika hakakā a me ka lōʻihi). Dr. Gottman a me kona mau nā hoapili i kā lākou mau mea i loaʻa i i ole i ka ia kaliʻana kaua liʻiliʻi ka pākōlea kanawai i hao wale mai kaua loa mea naʻau hoa. Ke'ī mai, i ka wa e kaawale aku o ka io escalation i loko o kāna hana e lawelawe inevitably i ala e kanalua kekahi maikaʻi hopena. Ua Ua loaʻa i ka naʻau conflicting hui ia nele o ke aloha,ʻeleu panee, pakiko-irony, pīhoihoi, ka olioli, kākoʻo a me ka empathy.

Akä naÿe, he lolelua ka pilina me protracted kēia ho'āla kaua mai i mau alakai i ka rupture. Partners ma keia kuikahi i ma luna o kekahi i kekahi ola ole. A e keia ole mea e mau loa ana me maikaʻi. Kekahi mea i maopopo: keia kumu hoʻohālike o ke alu like 'ana ke alakai i ka kumupaʻa, ina na hoa, e noonoo i "hana uhane lākiō" a e hana ma luna o e pili ana i ke' ano o nā papa hana no ka hooikaika ana i ka maikaʻi hana kūleʻa.

Kēia lākiō mea pono no ka hana

Ua akamai loa, i ka "hana uhane lākiō" o ka 5 a hiki i 1 mea pili no ka hana. ua hoike ia ka loa ka hoʻokō alakaʻi ma kela noʻonoʻo loi o subordinates haʻalele ka awelika o 5,6 maikaʻi manaʻo haʻawina. E like me 'oe ke ike, mea he uuku ke ano o ka hopena maikaʻi nui i kekahi hapa o ka mea a pau kaʻina. Mua, ka noʻonoʻo loi (a me ka hakakā) ua Kaʻahumanu noonoo. ʻO ka lua, o ka hopena maikaʻi manaʻo i malama i ka complacency.